Forgive or not to forgive? Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. When one forgives, it is the most freeing feeling you will ever experience. The problem with not being able to forgive is that it hinders us from so many things and we don't even realize it. It starts as just an offense and then it begins to take root in our hearts. We are more than just hurt, now we are angry. Before we know it, we have so much resentment built inside of us that it starts to leech into other areas of our lives.
God's word says, “When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. In addition, when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes" (2 Corinthians 2:10-11 NLT). Unforgiveness is part of Satan's scheme, it's a trap. It benefits us when we forgive those who have hurt us. Otherwise, we become prisoners to the offense, while the ones who hurt us are living life carefree.
When I chose to surrender my life completely to God, I had to release the grip I had on an offense that happened to my husband and me. A person who was so close to us had hurt us and another friend so badly. I have never been so mad at someone in my life and I felt that I deserved to feel this way. I wanted revenge so badly. I would rehearse the conversation I would have with them in my head, over and over again. Oh, I would so tell them about themselves. I would say the most hurtful things because they deserved it. The hurt they caused was so selfish and unnecessary that they deserved whatever came their way. After everything we had been through together and being there for them through the hardest time of their lives. How could they do this and sleep at night?
One Sunday morning I was on stage leading worship at church. Singing with all my heart about how much I love God and want to be like Him and I opened my eyes and saw our nemesis walk in. It made me sick to my stomach. I hadn't seen this person since the offense had taken place. I couldn't even believe they had the nerve to come to church! Right then God confronted me. "You’re singing to me that you love me and want to be like me yet you won’t forgive this person like I have forgiven you. Forgive...today." REALLY! I begged God, "please don't make forgive them just yet. I will do it, just not right now. I'm still so hurt and angry". I tried reasoning with God but He would not let it go. The message in church that morning just happened to be on forgiveness. Don't you just love it when God speaks to you like that? As I am trying to hold back the tears, God slowly starts to soften my heart. I realized that the longer I held on to this hurt and anger, the more it would hinder me from all the things God has planned for me. I could not move forward with what He was calling me to do until I released the resentment I had towards this person. The realization brought me to "the ugly cry". You know, when you’re crying so hard you can't breathe and snot is just a flowin'. Yes that "ugly cry".
You see I had such a tight grip on this hurt that I would not let go of it and let God deal with the person in His own way. God is a just God so why I thought my way was better I have no idea. Maybe because God is so forgiving I knew that this person deserved my revenge. Circumstances dictated that I should feel the way that I did and revenge was a normal response...right. However, was revenge enough? Would it make me feel better? In addition, who was revenge really for, them or me? Holding onto the anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I was the one in complete sin. I was allowing that anger to control me, which in turn gave Satan a foothold. I remembered the scripture that said, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you". (Ephesians 4:26, 27, 31, 32 NLT) I love when scripture jumps off the page and smacks you in the face. Well...sometimes! Here I was doing the very thing God's word tells me not to. Moreover, in case I didn't get it the first time, I got this little reminder. "But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves". (James 1:22 NLT) UGH!
I am reminded that one of his own disciples betrayed even Jesus, and I am sure, when he was dying on that cross, he did not have the "woe is me" attitude. Jesus thought this betrayal and forgave Judas without any hesitation. Jesus suffered so that all could be forgiven (Colossians 3:13). So, who do I think I am to believe that I deserve God’s grace and this person doesn’t? Everyone deserves his grace. I know I am desperate for his grace...DAILY.
When we choose to forgive we are not letting them off the hook, we are releasing ourselves from the bondage that the offense has caused. Forgive others not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace. Forgive so you can be free!
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