Redeeming the Past

 

My Past?  Well, it isn't something that I'm proud of. Most of you have already read about my rebellious years, so I won't repeat it. However, one thing I didn't write about is how important it is to allow God to redeem that part of your life.

 

Sometimes this seems impossible because when I think of the things I have done it makes me ill. The poor decisions, the heartache, the ex-boyfriends, some illegal things, the list goes on and on.  I could justify my actions by saying I was young and stupid…the truth is I knew better and I chose to do it anyway. 

 

Even early in my marriage, I think about who I was and how I treated my husband. That really makes me ill. How my man still loves me today is seriously beyond me. He deserved so much better. I guess, from past relationships, I learned how to protect my heart. No other man had ever been honest and faithful. I gave myself to them and they hurt me. Therefore, thinking that my husband would eventually hurt me the same way, I decided I would never let him completely in. I would not let him control me and I would do things my way.

 

I became a mother and these little lives depended on me to have it all together. I was so young and selfish. When they were babies, I missed so many moments that could have been sweet memories, but I was consumed with my own life. I couldn't see my children as gifts from God because they were so demanding all the time. I felt overwhelmed and wanted them to hurry and get older so I could get back to my life. I know what you're thinking, what kind of mother feels that way?

 

Then there is my relationship with God. Sure, I had been a Christian my whole life and was one who lived in church. As far as experiencing God for myself, that kinda freaked me out. Living a sold-out life for God didn't seem that appealing to me. It was too much sacrifice. I wanted to have fun, not live by a bunch of rules that were impossible to comply with.Plus, I had messed up so badly, how could God really use me?

 

I lived my life as if my past were my present. I carried around all those things, never really allowing God to redeem that part of my life. Being ashamed just seemed easier, less messy. I knew that if I released that part of myself to God it would require me to deal with some ugly stuff and I just didn't want to rehash old issues. I wanted to forget about the ugliness and just move on.

 

What is interesting is that God had more for me than me carrying around old burdens. He had things for me to do and in order to get there I had to shed a few pounds of dead weight. I had to stop being a prisoner of my past and really allow God’s grace to cover it and make me whole.

 

You see, Satan used my past against me and made me believe that I wasn't worthy of anything good. What could I do for God with a past like mine? It's one of Satan's greatest distractions, convincing us that we could never do anything good enough for God's kingdom because of our past. Satan would love nothing more than to have you dwell on the past so much that you miss all the things God has for you in the future.

 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV) He is making a way through your past regardless of how badly you've messed up. He wants to do a new thing with your future. 

 

You may ask why is it so important to let God redeem your past. Because it’s our only hope for walking in victory in the future. God's redeeming love is the only thing that can cover our past and make us completely whole again. If we continue to allow our past to have a say in our lives, we won't be able to experience the freedom in Christ, which He gave His life for.

 

Do I wish I could have made better decisions in my past? Do I wish that I had not been so selfish and had been a better wife and mother? Sure, but do I regret it? Absolutely not! Because, had I not made mistakes, I would have never met my Savior and experienced the power of His redeeming love...true redemption!

 

 I am now a woman who has said "YES" to God’s plan for my life. I have experienced true freedom and I am living a sold-out life for God. I'm able to be a wife who loves and respects her husband. I am now a mother who loves her children to pieces and cherishes every minute of their lives. God is so faithful!

 

I don't know your story, but your God does. All your pain, guilt, bad decisions, insecurities, all your fears, He knows. Your past is your story. You can’t change it, but it does not make you and it certainly does not define who you are. Your identity is in Christ alone. Allow Him into your past and let Him redeem those broken places. There is hope for something new so don't let the past rob you of all the good things God has planned for your future!

Love, 

Charlyn

 

Out With the Old and In With the New

I love a new year, new start, new beginning, getting rid of clutter, and setting goals. It's refreshing to say goodbye to a year and all that came with it and saying hello to something better than the last. At least, that's what we hope for.

 

Every New Year I always clean out my closet. I get the "urge to purge".  I really struggle with cleaning out my closet through out the year, so I force myself to do it every New Year. I'm worried that I will get rid of something I might need. Unfortunately, without purging I run out of room for new things. My friends will tell you that my closet is out of control. I mean who runs out of room with a generous walk in closet?  ME!

 

Every time I begin to sort and separate, I come across one particular shirt.  It's my class of '99 T-shirt. I just cannot get rid of it. Call me sentimental, but it represents something from my childhood, my past. Someone I used to be. Some of my best memories are from that time in my life. I mean, I had a blast in high school. So much that I barely graduated. The fact that I did graduate is just another reason why I can't let go of that shirt. 

 

This is how I used to feel about who I was.  I did what most teenagers do. I was a little rebellious, partied a little too much, smoked cigarettes and some other things, snuck out of the house, ignored my curfew and, of course, I always fell in love with the "bad boy".  The person I was in high school is completely different from who I am called to be today. Of course, the difference between then and now is that I am older.

 

Unfortunately, some of those things lingered into my adult life.  I still smoked cigarettes, partied too much; I even married the "bad boy". I carried around my old self for years. It was a part of who I was. I rather liked my old self...I had fun. I lived my life my way, with no hesitation or fear of consequence. I did whatever I wanted and didn't care who it affected. As long as it didn't affect me, I was good. I didn't have a clue what life was really about nor did I care to find out. If I was having fun why did I have to change who I was? I wasn't hurting anyone...or so I thought!

 

Years went on and we had two kids. Life was crazy! Our second child almost put me in "the nut house" for real! I'm sure a lot of it was hormones, but I seriously thought I was a crazy person and should have been medicated. It's by the grace of God that my man did not leave me during that time. I became so angry, resentful, bitter and just plain rude. It was so bad that we ended up going to marriage counseling.  UGH!

 

I will never forget going to our first session and telling the counselor that she needed to fix my man. He needed to change and it was his fault that our marriage was a disaster. HA! The counselor sat there and listened to us both. She then suggested we meet with her separately. So, I did meet with her, thinking that because she was a woman and a mother she would totally be on my side...boy did I have that all wrong! She straight up told me about myself. I have never been so caught off guard. She actually suggested we meet once a week so we could work on "my issues".   I beg your pardon.  WHAT issues? I was unaware that I was the one with issues. I met with her as she wanted and after a couple of sessions, I realized that she was right. I was the one that had to change.

 

As mortifying as those sessions were, I learned so much about myself that I never knew. What I realized was that my problem wasn't with my husband it was with ME. All those years of carrying around my "old self" was catching up to me. I wasn't partying, smoking or any of that anymore but because I never surrendered myself to God, the “old Charlyn” kept coming back, just in a different way. I was still doing what I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't care who it affected. The Charlyn that lived life carefree and had a good time had turned into a woman I didn't even recognize. 

 

Let's face it, change is hard. Especially when you have to change whom you have been for so long. That’s why so many people never do it.  Letting go of who we once were is too much work. It's hard to self evaluate.  It is seriously a daily choice to die to your old self and put on the new.

 

When Jesus was crucified, he gave us the option of becoming someone new. He suffered so that we wouldn't have to be who we once were. Once we are in Christ, He calls us to be someone new...in Him. We have a new life! The Bible says He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:15, 17 NLT) 

 

Our old self belongs to the world. When we accept Christ we can't still be the same person we have always been. That person is broken, selfish, angry, bitter, rude. The list goes on and on. Our character and attitude should mirror Christ. The Word tells us to throw off our old sinful nature and our former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Put on our new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. (Ephesians 4:22, 24 NLT)

 

How exciting to know that we can have new life in Christ...a fresh start.  I think the biggest example of Christ we can be is when we surrender our old self for someone new. People notice change. They see the difference and it becomes contagious. They remember the person you used to be and then notice the person you have become and suddenly they are curious. You have already witnessed without opening your mouth. 

 

Unfortunately, we can't change on our own and if we did it would only be temporary. If left up to us we would always revert to our old selves. That's what is easier, that's what is natural. God tells us so to live as God’s obedient children. Do not slip back into our old ways of living to satisfy our own desires. We didn’t know any better then. Now we must be holy in everything we do, just as God who chose us is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:14-16 NLT)

 

Change requires more than just thinking about it. To truly change, it will require us to actually do something different. It will take discipline; it will take a change in how we think, and daily dependence on God and getting into His word. When we fix our eyes on Christ we cannot help but be transformed. Its going to be hard, it will challenge us because it will go against everything with in us. I promise you the reward is far greater if we could just "get rid of the old T-shirt". 

 

Now, I still have the t-shirt. Every time I see it now I smile. You see I am no longer holding onto it as a memory of all my “good” times, I keep it as a reminder of who I do not ever want to be again. My old self might have had the time of her life but the woman I am now has a greater purpose. I'm very thankful for my old life because it taught me so much. But I am so ready for what God has for me in this new life. If I thought life was a good time back then, I know what He has for me this "new life" is even better!

 

So friends, let go of who you once were and become something new in Christ. I guarantee you your old self ain't got nothin' on the new life that God is calling you to. 

Happy New Year...or should I say "Happy New You"

Love,

Charlyn