Redeeming the Past

 

My Past?  Well, it isn't something that I'm proud of. Most of you have already read about my rebellious years, so I won't repeat it. However, one thing I didn't write about is how important it is to allow God to redeem that part of your life.

 

Sometimes this seems impossible because when I think of the things I have done it makes me ill. The poor decisions, the heartache, the ex-boyfriends, some illegal things, the list goes on and on.  I could justify my actions by saying I was young and stupid…the truth is I knew better and I chose to do it anyway. 

 

Even early in my marriage, I think about who I was and how I treated my husband. That really makes me ill. How my man still loves me today is seriously beyond me. He deserved so much better. I guess, from past relationships, I learned how to protect my heart. No other man had ever been honest and faithful. I gave myself to them and they hurt me. Therefore, thinking that my husband would eventually hurt me the same way, I decided I would never let him completely in. I would not let him control me and I would do things my way.

 

I became a mother and these little lives depended on me to have it all together. I was so young and selfish. When they were babies, I missed so many moments that could have been sweet memories, but I was consumed with my own life. I couldn't see my children as gifts from God because they were so demanding all the time. I felt overwhelmed and wanted them to hurry and get older so I could get back to my life. I know what you're thinking, what kind of mother feels that way?

 

Then there is my relationship with God. Sure, I had been a Christian my whole life and was one who lived in church. As far as experiencing God for myself, that kinda freaked me out. Living a sold-out life for God didn't seem that appealing to me. It was too much sacrifice. I wanted to have fun, not live by a bunch of rules that were impossible to comply with.Plus, I had messed up so badly, how could God really use me?

 

I lived my life as if my past were my present. I carried around all those things, never really allowing God to redeem that part of my life. Being ashamed just seemed easier, less messy. I knew that if I released that part of myself to God it would require me to deal with some ugly stuff and I just didn't want to rehash old issues. I wanted to forget about the ugliness and just move on.

 

What is interesting is that God had more for me than me carrying around old burdens. He had things for me to do and in order to get there I had to shed a few pounds of dead weight. I had to stop being a prisoner of my past and really allow God’s grace to cover it and make me whole.

 

You see, Satan used my past against me and made me believe that I wasn't worthy of anything good. What could I do for God with a past like mine? It's one of Satan's greatest distractions, convincing us that we could never do anything good enough for God's kingdom because of our past. Satan would love nothing more than to have you dwell on the past so much that you miss all the things God has for you in the future.

 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV) He is making a way through your past regardless of how badly you've messed up. He wants to do a new thing with your future. 

 

You may ask why is it so important to let God redeem your past. Because it’s our only hope for walking in victory in the future. God's redeeming love is the only thing that can cover our past and make us completely whole again. If we continue to allow our past to have a say in our lives, we won't be able to experience the freedom in Christ, which He gave His life for.

 

Do I wish I could have made better decisions in my past? Do I wish that I had not been so selfish and had been a better wife and mother? Sure, but do I regret it? Absolutely not! Because, had I not made mistakes, I would have never met my Savior and experienced the power of His redeeming love...true redemption!

 

 I am now a woman who has said "YES" to God’s plan for my life. I have experienced true freedom and I am living a sold-out life for God. I'm able to be a wife who loves and respects her husband. I am now a mother who loves her children to pieces and cherishes every minute of their lives. God is so faithful!

 

I don't know your story, but your God does. All your pain, guilt, bad decisions, insecurities, all your fears, He knows. Your past is your story. You can’t change it, but it does not make you and it certainly does not define who you are. Your identity is in Christ alone. Allow Him into your past and let Him redeem those broken places. There is hope for something new so don't let the past rob you of all the good things God has planned for your future!

Love, 

Charlyn

 

Out With the Old and In With the New

I love a new year, new start, new beginning, getting rid of clutter, and setting goals. It's refreshing to say goodbye to a year and all that came with it and saying hello to something better than the last. At least, that's what we hope for.

 

Every New Year I always clean out my closet. I get the "urge to purge".  I really struggle with cleaning out my closet through out the year, so I force myself to do it every New Year. I'm worried that I will get rid of something I might need. Unfortunately, without purging I run out of room for new things. My friends will tell you that my closet is out of control. I mean who runs out of room with a generous walk in closet?  ME!

 

Every time I begin to sort and separate, I come across one particular shirt.  It's my class of '99 T-shirt. I just cannot get rid of it. Call me sentimental, but it represents something from my childhood, my past. Someone I used to be. Some of my best memories are from that time in my life. I mean, I had a blast in high school. So much that I barely graduated. The fact that I did graduate is just another reason why I can't let go of that shirt. 

 

This is how I used to feel about who I was.  I did what most teenagers do. I was a little rebellious, partied a little too much, smoked cigarettes and some other things, snuck out of the house, ignored my curfew and, of course, I always fell in love with the "bad boy".  The person I was in high school is completely different from who I am called to be today. Of course, the difference between then and now is that I am older.

 

Unfortunately, some of those things lingered into my adult life.  I still smoked cigarettes, partied too much; I even married the "bad boy". I carried around my old self for years. It was a part of who I was. I rather liked my old self...I had fun. I lived my life my way, with no hesitation or fear of consequence. I did whatever I wanted and didn't care who it affected. As long as it didn't affect me, I was good. I didn't have a clue what life was really about nor did I care to find out. If I was having fun why did I have to change who I was? I wasn't hurting anyone...or so I thought!

 

Years went on and we had two kids. Life was crazy! Our second child almost put me in "the nut house" for real! I'm sure a lot of it was hormones, but I seriously thought I was a crazy person and should have been medicated. It's by the grace of God that my man did not leave me during that time. I became so angry, resentful, bitter and just plain rude. It was so bad that we ended up going to marriage counseling.  UGH!

 

I will never forget going to our first session and telling the counselor that she needed to fix my man. He needed to change and it was his fault that our marriage was a disaster. HA! The counselor sat there and listened to us both. She then suggested we meet with her separately. So, I did meet with her, thinking that because she was a woman and a mother she would totally be on my side...boy did I have that all wrong! She straight up told me about myself. I have never been so caught off guard. She actually suggested we meet once a week so we could work on "my issues".   I beg your pardon.  WHAT issues? I was unaware that I was the one with issues. I met with her as she wanted and after a couple of sessions, I realized that she was right. I was the one that had to change.

 

As mortifying as those sessions were, I learned so much about myself that I never knew. What I realized was that my problem wasn't with my husband it was with ME. All those years of carrying around my "old self" was catching up to me. I wasn't partying, smoking or any of that anymore but because I never surrendered myself to God, the “old Charlyn” kept coming back, just in a different way. I was still doing what I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't care who it affected. The Charlyn that lived life carefree and had a good time had turned into a woman I didn't even recognize. 

 

Let's face it, change is hard. Especially when you have to change whom you have been for so long. That’s why so many people never do it.  Letting go of who we once were is too much work. It's hard to self evaluate.  It is seriously a daily choice to die to your old self and put on the new.

 

When Jesus was crucified, he gave us the option of becoming someone new. He suffered so that we wouldn't have to be who we once were. Once we are in Christ, He calls us to be someone new...in Him. We have a new life! The Bible says He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:15, 17 NLT) 

 

Our old self belongs to the world. When we accept Christ we can't still be the same person we have always been. That person is broken, selfish, angry, bitter, rude. The list goes on and on. Our character and attitude should mirror Christ. The Word tells us to throw off our old sinful nature and our former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Put on our new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. (Ephesians 4:22, 24 NLT)

 

How exciting to know that we can have new life in Christ...a fresh start.  I think the biggest example of Christ we can be is when we surrender our old self for someone new. People notice change. They see the difference and it becomes contagious. They remember the person you used to be and then notice the person you have become and suddenly they are curious. You have already witnessed without opening your mouth. 

 

Unfortunately, we can't change on our own and if we did it would only be temporary. If left up to us we would always revert to our old selves. That's what is easier, that's what is natural. God tells us so to live as God’s obedient children. Do not slip back into our old ways of living to satisfy our own desires. We didn’t know any better then. Now we must be holy in everything we do, just as God who chose us is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:14-16 NLT)

 

Change requires more than just thinking about it. To truly change, it will require us to actually do something different. It will take discipline; it will take a change in how we think, and daily dependence on God and getting into His word. When we fix our eyes on Christ we cannot help but be transformed. Its going to be hard, it will challenge us because it will go against everything with in us. I promise you the reward is far greater if we could just "get rid of the old T-shirt". 

 

Now, I still have the t-shirt. Every time I see it now I smile. You see I am no longer holding onto it as a memory of all my “good” times, I keep it as a reminder of who I do not ever want to be again. My old self might have had the time of her life but the woman I am now has a greater purpose. I'm very thankful for my old life because it taught me so much. But I am so ready for what God has for me in this new life. If I thought life was a good time back then, I know what He has for me this "new life" is even better!

 

So friends, let go of who you once were and become something new in Christ. I guarantee you your old self ain't got nothin' on the new life that God is calling you to. 

Happy New Year...or should I say "Happy New You"

Love,

Charlyn

 

The Beautiful Exchange

When we think of gift exchange we think of I give you, you give me, everyone's happy and we are done. But God's idea of exchange is so different. He is never done. He is truly the gift that keeps on giving. He is such a gracious God, constantly giving to us regardless of our lack of commitment we give to him. Everything around us is a gift from him, the air we breathe, waking up to a new day, our jobs, health, husbands, and children....I know, sometimes we doubt those last two, but seriously, we can find a gift from God in our everyday routine of life.

His most precious gift to us is the one we take for granted the most. God's perfect son who was born from a virgin to die on the cross for our sin, our redemption, and our freedom. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the FREE gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord".

One of the most cliche Bible verses John 3:16 we probably all  know it by heart, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life". Do we really believe in this verse, or do we only believe it to have eternal life? Yes, the ultimate goal is to have eternal life with God, but what about this life? This scripture is for this life...to have freedom in this life.

When we first become saved, we are usually in a desperate situation and need God to show up and fix things. We want him to take over and be Lord of our lives, surrendering all of us...the good, bad, and ugly. Well, that's what we are supposed to do, but what do we really give him in exchange?

Maybe you're like me and feel the need to control what we will or will not surrender to him. I have no problem surrendering all the good and easy stuff, but its that hard and painful stuff he wants. I remember a time when God wanted me to surrender some things to him, but I just couldn't do it. I had to hold onto it because it had caused me so much pain, if I let go of it who would I be without it? I had carried it around for so long it had become apart of my identity. 

Isn't that why He died, so we wouldn't have to carry around all the things that separate us from Him and walk in freedom? Our identity is in Christ, not the in all the brokenness, pain, fear, anxiety, disappointment, rejection, and betrayals. If we continue to hang onto all these things then what was the point of His brutal death?

So, if we don't believe that this free gift is for this life, than we certainly can't accept or receive anything from Him. Receiving it means letting go of all the ugly that consumes us and allowing him to cover it with his grace. Getting rid of all of it so there is room for what he has for us. Accepting it means accepting the fact that you are good enough to receive from Him. He loves you and has great things for you. Don't feel like you can't receive from him because of what you have done. To Him, you're precious and He thinks you're worthy enough. Accepting it means living out the freedom. No longer accepting who you once were, but walking out who you're supposed to be.

His plan all along was to send his son to the earth and live life just like we would. He would experience temptations, rejection and physical pain that would ultimately lead to His death. He would resurrect from the dead in three days and before He left, His last instructions to the disciples and to us was to GO! Go into all the world and tell them about him and what he has done and can do.

Here's the best part of it all...the beautiful exchange. Once we give God all our stuff, the ugly broken stuff, He takes it and strategically places it all back together like only He can do. When He's done it's the most beautiful thing. He then hands it back to us and says "here you go my precious child, now will you go? I have plans for you that only you can do. Will you accept this and will you go?" 

You see, He doesn't put us all back together for us to sit on a shelf and be pretty. He does it for his purposes, our God given destiny.... so His glory will be known. We've got some work to do. It's  up to us whether or not we receive the calling on our lives. Time is short, but there's only so much that we can do if we stay broken,  or chained to all our failures, insecurities, fears, and pain. People, there's freedom in Jesus. He is waiting to give you this FREE gift, so please accept it. What do you have to loose?

This Christmas, lets remember what this day represents.  Its the day that freedom was born to walk the earth and eventually die for us, and for our freedom. As you are with you family and friends exchanging and opening gifts, let it be a reminder of all the gifts God desires to give you. Will you exchange your ugly for His beauty? Trust me, you will get the better end of that deal! 

Merry Christmas!!

Love, 

Charlyn

Tis' the Season

I absolutely love the Christmas season. It's my favorite time of year. I love the Christmas music; I love the decorating, baking, shopping, gift giving, family traditions. I love everything about it. However, the hustle and bustle annoys the mess out of me. I promise myself every year that I will not fall into the trap of chaos; but it never fails...it happens anyway! It doesn't matter if I start shopping early, I am always frustrated on Christmas Eve because I forgot that one gift and I have to run to the store with everyone else and their momma! 

I blame this madness on our society today. We are forced to rush everything. Everything about Christmas keeps getting bigger and bigger. More money is spent, more gifts are bought, Christmas trees get bigger, the to-do lists get longer, the Christmas meal has to be better than The last. We cant even enjoy one holiday without shopping for the next one. Now we are starting to Christmas shop on Thanksgiving. A day when we are supposed to be thankful we are planning our strategy to hit the door buster deals at every store. Listen, I'm preaching to myself,  every year I have given into that pressure of saving money on "black Thursday". 

There's a story in the Bible that convicts me about my priorities during this time. It's found in Luke 10:38-42. It talks about Mary and Martha, two of Jesus closest female  friends. They followed him everywhere. In fact, any time women are mentioned by name as followers of Christ, it's always Mary and Martha. This passage takes place in their home where Martha is busy playing host while Mary is sitting as Jesus' feet taking in everything he is saying. Martha gets frustrated with Mary because she's just sitting there while she's running around preparing for their meal. She says" Lord, don't you care that my sister is has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me".  His response is what's so convicting to me. He says in verse 41 "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her". OUCH!

Honestly, I don't blame Martha. If Jesus was coming to my house I would want everything to be perfect too. I wish I could say that I would be Mary, but the truth is I am just like Martha. I am always running around like a crazy person for something or someone.

In a way I'm running around preparing for him now. Not that He is coming to my house but I sure act like he is. The pressure of this day to be perfect, my Christmas decorations have to look like it came out of a magazine, keeping up with all the traditions I have started that honestly have nothing to do with Jesus. I mean really, my focus is completely off. I am just like Martha, busy making sure all everything is just right. For what? All He really wants from me is just to sit and be in His presence. Taking in all that He has for me in this season, my undivided attention to remember what it's all about.  

I hear God whisper to me as I write this. "Charlyn, Charlyn, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Choose me, because what I have for you is better than anything else and it will not be taken away from you". 

Christmas day is not supposed to be stressful. When we are consumed with all the craziness that the holiday can bring, we completely forget that "Jesus is the reason for the season". It's  not about us and our perfect holiday, its about Him...it's  always about Him. This is the day our Savior was born to save the world from sin, not how many presents are under the tree or where the Elf on the shelf is. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with all these fun traditions we do but let's remember what this day represents. Its day Freedom came to walk the earth and change everything. The world would come to know Him as Immanuel, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. Jesus would be the hope that the world so desperately needed. 

So, do we continue to be busy and stressed like Martha or do we sit at the feet of Jesus...the perfect gift and unwrap all that he has for us? I can promise that His gift will change your life and it will give you something that all the business cant and that's His peace.

Love, 

Charlyn

#28daysofthanks

Recently, on Instagram, I challenged my friends to capture moments they were thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving Day. I am amazed at how many people actually participated. But, I really did it for myself. I needed to pause everyday and find something that God has blessed me with. Sometimes I am so consumed with what I don't have; I completely forget what He has already given me.

Thanksgiving, should be much more than just a holiday we celebrate once a year;  more than just eating fantastic food, family gatherings, Pilgrims and the Mayflower. Thanksgiving is an act, something that should be practiced everyday of our lives...to count the blessings one by one, everyday. I know it seems easy but if it was that easy, then why don't we do it? Why do feel discontent and have bad attitudes? Even worse we are always complaining about something.

Life is busy...it's hard to stop and be thankful during the hustle of our crazy schedule. We are so consumed with everything we have to do, we forget to pause and say thanks. When we have an ungrateful attitude, we miss out on a chance to live fully in every moment.

I think about my boys when they were infants. I rushed each stage of their little lives because I was so busy. I couldn't wait until they slept through the night so I could actually sleep through the night. I couldn't wait to stop breast feeding because a bottle was so much easier. I couldn't wait until they could sit up on their own so I didn't have to carry them on my hip all the time. I couldn't wait until they started eating real food so I didn't have to buy baby food. I couldn't wait until they drank cows milk so I could save money and not have to buy formula. I couldn't wait until they were out of diapers and potty trained. I just couldn't wait.

Now that they are nine and five, I wish I could rewind the time. I think about all that I missed because I didn't live fully in each  of those moments. I wasn't thankful for what each stage had to offer. The blessings, memories, times of snuggle, the tiny cries, their dependence on me, the teachable moments. Instead of seeing these moments as gifts I saw them as conflicts with my schedule or to-do lists. How selfish right?

Here is another one for you. How is possible to give thanks when life gets hard? You get so weary the last thing you want to do is be thankful. How can we thank God when we feel like he has allowed you to go through so much? Most of the time we are so consumed with our own circumstance, we can't even see God, let alone express our thanks to him. However, each moment is from God, even the bad ones, and it is up to us whether  we choose to see him and his gifts in these moments. Being thankful is the very thing that will bring us peace in the midst of a storm.

His word says numerous times in Psalms to give thanks. Give thanks to The Lord, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. He is good and faithful even in the hard times. It's in those hard times that he desires to show himself to us more than ever. So, if there's nothing else good in our life, He is good and faithful so give thanks...period! 

Eucharisteo, a Greek word that means to give thanks. I have studied this word for the last 5 weeks. Its a word that brings joy, grace, and thanksgiving. I have stamped this word on my heart and it has forever changed me. Eucharisteo is a life style, a verb, an act that must be done daily. It's the only act that will bring back the joy I once had. The joy that life has taken from me. It's the only way I can live this life to the fullest...no longer rushing to the next stage, but fully taking in all that each moment has for me. Life is so short, we blink and it's over. Ann Voskamp who wrote One Thousand Gifts would say if we want to slow down time, just give thanks! 

I challenge you to this eucharisteo lifestyle. It will change your attitude, your perspective. Write down your blessings; keep a journal of the gifts God gives you everyday. You will be surprised how it will change you thoughts and the joy you will receive from counting your blessings one by one. Happy Thanksgiving...everyday!

Love,

Charlyn

The God Box

I love vacation! I love saving for it, planning it, all the good food we eat, the adventures while we are there, and most of all the memories we will make...especially a week at the beach. It's one of my favorite places and I am very fortunate that our family is able to go on a beach vacation every year. 

This summer we went to go to Chincoteague Island with some friends. A few weeks before we left God woke me up in the middle of the night with this word, "If you would just let me out of this box that YOU keep putting me in, I will rock your world". I had no idea what that meant, I don't think I put God in a box. I know that He can do anything, I mean he is God of the universe. So why would He tell me that I feel otherwise? Just so you know I'm not one of those who hears God's voice all the time. This has never happened to me before. So I woke up feeling overwhelmed and confused by this word He gave me. I tossed and turned, wondering what on earth this meant. I asked Him to please explain this, but I got nothin'. Not being able to fall back asleep, I decided to write this down in my journal, hoping my brain would release the thought so I could fall asleep.

We left for the beach and I must admit I had completely forgotten what God had laid on my heart just a few weeks earlier. Usually, when we go to the beach, we rent these little beach buggies to ride around town in. Well come to find out they are no longer street legal. So our options were mopeds or these three-wheeled moped bikes. I'm not very adventurous, I like safe fun,  I like to stay within my comfort, anything outside of my comfort zone...lets just say I'm not comfortable. The mopeds were cheaper to rent but I liked the idea of the three wheelers better because they were safer. I thought it was worth spending a little more for my own peace of mind, knowing that we would have our two young boys sitting behind us on these mopeds. The thought of us having an accident and knowing that I'm responsible for my children's safety stressed me out.

My man,  being the encouraging husband that he can be, told me "Just try it babe. Once you get comfortable I know you will be able to drive it without being afraid". Of course, he talked me into it. Going against my better judgment,  I decided to go for it. With no hesitation, my son hopped on. He has never seen me drive this thing but he trusted, that as his mom, I would keep him safe. I'm  not even gonna lie...I was scared to death! I was seriously panicking. I prayed and prayed for protection as we rode all around town.

Okay, it was so much fun...my hair blowing in the wind, my son laughing at me while I try to turn without crashing, and the grip he had on my waist was priceless!  We were having a great time and, just like my husband said I would, I got used to driving it and became comfortable. Soon there wasn't a care in the world. I felt comfortable...safe.

Later on that day while riding around town, God whispers so sweetly to me. He began to explain to me the word that He had given me a few weeks before we left. "Charlyn, this is how it will be if you step out of this box with me. It seems scary but I will be with you. Don't be afraid, be courageous (1Chronicles 28:20). Hold on tight to me like your son did to you. Don't let go. Abide in me and I will take you on the ride of you're life".  I instantly remembered what God has laid on my heart just weeks before. I'm not sure which was more exciting, the fact that I heard God speak twice (which again never happens...ever) or the adventure He is asking me to step out in.

God has called me to do something that I thought I would not be able to do. Honestly, I kept trying to tell him he's got the wrong girl, why in the world would he choose me. I mean, what is he thinking? God knows I like safe and comfortable, I feel like I am not equipped for the things He is asking me to do. I do hair for cryin' out loud!

Sometimes God calls us to do something crazy; something that we would never dream for ourselves (Isaiah 55:8-9).  We cant even imagine what He is truly capable of, so we put Him in this box, play it safe and never reach our God-given potential. We know that He is God and can do great things, but when it comes to our own lives, we don't believe He is incapable of doing those things that seem unattainable. We try to justify saying no to Gods plan because we aren't biblically smart enough, or a good public speaker, or a writer, or that we aren't good with people, not talented enough, or not confident in our spiritual gifts. Thats exactly the lie that Satan would want us to believe. 

 We aren't called to be "safe"Christians. He actually doesn't want us to be comfortable at all. He wants us exercise our faith and be extraordinary. When we surrender our lives to Him, He is capable to do all the things that we say we can't do. By allowing the Holy Spirit to fill us with His divine power is when the impossible can be done...it is no longer a dream, it is a reality. 

The Bible says that He chose us for mighty works(John 15:16). God will get the work done with or without us, so will we allow ourselves to be the ones God uses or will we shy away because it seems crazy and impossible? He actually has already equipped us, we just don't know it until he calls us(Heb. 13:21). He uses our gifts, talents, flaws, past struggles, and life experiences to mold and shape us. Then his spirit works within us to get the job done. He loves us. He wouldn't call us to do something without giving us what we need to walk it out. 

It's an incredible feeling that the God, who can do ALL things has asked me for help. I'm just an ordinary girl who struggles daily. Yet he sees something in me that I do not see. Just as my son hopped right on the moped and completely trusted me without knowing how it would turn out, I too must trust that God knows what He is doing. He doesn't accidentally choose the wrong person, He doesn't make mistakes, and if He's calling me, I guess I should stop telling him NO and just GO.

 I once heard if your dream seems possible then it's not big enough. So friends, what is your dream? What is God calling you to do that makes you think there is just no way? Its called "crazy faith" because it requires us to step out into the unknown, without even truly understanding the personal cost or what the future may hold. I truly believe that God will bless those steps of faith... if we would just take them. I encourage you to let Him out of your box and dare to dream with the One who knows you best. You may not think you can do it, but with God, you surely can. So keep dreaming, the bigger the better!

To Forgive or Not to Forgive

Forgive or not to forgive?  Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do.  When one forgives, it is the most freeing feeling you will ever experience. The problem with not being able to forgive is that it hinders us from so many things and we don't even realize it. It starts as just an offense and then it begins to take root in our hearts. We are more than just hurt, now we are angry. Before we know it, we have so much resentment built inside of us that it starts to leech into other areas of our lives. 

 

God's word says, “When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too.  In addition, when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes" (2 Corinthians 2:10-11 NLT). Unforgiveness is part of Satan's scheme, it's a trap. It benefits us when we forgive those who have hurt us. Otherwise, we become prisoners to the offense, while the ones who hurt us are living life carefree. 

 

When I chose to surrender my life completely to God, I had to release the grip I had on an offense that happened to my husband and me. A person who was so close to us had hurt us and another friend so badly. I have never been so mad at someone in my life and I felt that I deserved to feel this way. I wanted revenge so badly.  I would rehearse the conversation I would have with them in my head, over and over again.  Oh, I would so tell them about themselves. I would say the most hurtful things because they deserved it. The hurt they caused was so selfish and unnecessary that they deserved whatever came their way. After everything we had been through together and being there for them through the hardest time of their lives. How could they do this and sleep at night? 

 

 One Sunday morning I was on stage leading worship at church. Singing with all my heart about how much I love God and want to be like Him and I opened my eyes and saw our nemesis walk in. It made me sick to my stomach. I hadn't seen this person since the offense had taken place. I couldn't even believe they had the nerve to come to church! Right then God confronted me. "You’re singing to me that you love me and want to be like me yet you won’t forgive this person like I have forgiven you. Forgive...today."  REALLY! I begged God, "please don't make forgive them just yet. I will do it, just not right now. I'm still so hurt and angry". I tried reasoning with God but He would not let it go.  The message in church that morning just happened to be on forgiveness. Don't you just love it when God speaks to you like that? As I am trying to hold back the tears, God slowly starts to soften my heart. I realized that the longer I held on to this hurt and anger, the more it would hinder me from all the things God has planned for me. I could not move forward with what He was calling me to do until I released the resentment I had towards this person. The realization brought me to "the ugly cry". You know, when you’re crying so hard you can't breathe and snot is just a flowin'. Yes that "ugly cry". 

 

You see I had such a tight grip on this hurt that I would not let go of it and let God deal with the person in His own way. God is a just God so why I thought my way was better I have no idea. Maybe because God is so forgiving I knew that this person deserved my revenge. Circumstances dictated that I should feel the way that I did and revenge was a normal response...right. However, was revenge enough? Would it make me feel better? In addition, who was revenge really for, them or me? Holding onto the anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

 

I was the one in complete sin. I was allowing that anger to control me, which in turn gave Satan a foothold.   I remembered the scripture that said, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you". (Ephesians 4:26, 27, 31, 32 NLT) I love when scripture jumps off the page and smacks you in the face. Well...sometimes! Here I was doing the very thing God's word tells me not to. Moreover, in case I didn't get it the first time, I got this little reminder. "But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves". (James 1:22 NLT) UGH!

 

I am reminded that one of his own disciples betrayed even Jesus, and I am sure, when he was dying on that cross, he did not have the "woe is me" attitude. Jesus thought this betrayal and forgave Judas without any hesitation. Jesus suffered so that all could be forgiven (Colossians 3:13). So, who do I think I am to believe that I deserve God’s grace and this person doesn’t? Everyone deserves his grace. I know I am desperate for his grace...DAILY.

 

When we choose to forgive we are not letting them off the hook, we are releasing ourselves from the bondage that the offense has caused. Forgive others not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace. Forgive so you can be free!